Although I am probably facing more struggles than I ever have, I know that I am a strong individual and take a lot for granted. I conceived two boys and some people can't conceive at all and that's also something I take for granted a lot. Once when I was at my ex-boyfriend's house, his uncle and his new wife came by. At one point we were talking about the birth of my ex-boyfriend and his sister and the new wife just breaks down crying. Later that evening I was informed that she couldn't get pregnant. I too had that fear after the surgery I had when I was 14 so when I conceived and birthed my first son, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Not only was I happy I could conceive but I was happy my son survived his birth since his brother prior to him did not make it due to umbilical cord strangulation. I've been complaining a lot because of my son's terrible twos and I'm just happy that I have that to complain about. I still wouldn't trade it for the world.
In addition to my sons, there are a lot of things in life for all of us to be grateful for. The fact that after three years I've successfully enrolled myself in college while being a mother of a soon to be two-year-old, pregnant, homeless, and going through a divorce. I continue to prove to myself through the specific experiences of homelessness and abandonment issues, I've always been determined enough to succeed educationally on and off for ten years. I'm grateful for the fact that I now have this blog and it is becoming a big part of my life. My goal is to take up blogging as a serious career which I have already been taken steps to do so. This blog has been a great venting platform and positive way to express me while dealing with my depression. I will continue to update this blog even after the course I created it for ends. I'm grateful for many things, the list goes on.
Some good things that I have started taking in are the act of meditation, the Baha'i faith, and "me time". While I haven't gotten to the "me time" part of that yet, I know how important it is to incorporate that soon. I will be a mom of two soon and it's going to get a whole lot harder to get some "me time". Meditation is also something I can absorb wisdom from and decompress a little. It can be hard to find time to meditate as a busy mom and student, but even five minutes a day has been helpful to me. Meditating slows my thoughts and regulates my mind. The Baha'i faith is something I am just discovering as a description of what my beliefs always were. Lately, I've been feeling forced to do things against my morals and the Baha'i faith is finally something that I feel I can claim to justify my morals to the government with the rules against vaccines. I am unable to enroll my son into daycare because I don't believe in immunizations and I finally found a belief that I can claim so that I don't have to vaccinate my kids and that is being Baha'i. If I incorporate more of these good things, I will be able to open my third eye to all that I take for granted and I will give thanks to the creator.
Bahaullah Friends
Marianna,
ReplyDeleteGlad that you were able to submit this on time after all. This is a great post. It's full of sincere gratitude, and it is very well written. I'm glad that you're finding the blog to be a good space to write out your emotions and do some processing and that you're thinking of continuing to blog beyond this course.
I like your story about being able to conceive and how you are finding a new faith to absorb. Despite all of your challenges, you are doing a lot to stay afloat and you continue to produce high quality work for this course. Keep it up!
Great job. I like the images you chose, the sincerity in your writing voice, and the specific life moments and stories that continue to shape your outlook.
GR: 100